Oh god, this might hurt a few people’s feelings. Whatever, I don’t need your prayers, I can pray for myself. I need a rational argument in response though. This morning, I realized something important. So important, and so seemingly paradoxical I just had to go back to sleep before waking up again to type this out. I know, once a saint always a saint, yadda yadda but what? That gives you the ability to completely ignore biblical teachings in favor of acting how you want to act simply because of “grace and mercy?” You can’t possibly call yourself a follower of christianity if you are one of those types of people who go in direct opposition to God’s teachings.
So, here’s my thesis: the fundamental platforms of the right are in such dialectical contrast to Christian teachings that no true republican can really call themself a “Christian.”
i. Gun Control- Turn the other cheek, right? So much so that Jesus let a group of Jews tie him up on a few pieces of wood. You think he didn’t wanna smack them back? You didn’t think he thought about how easily it would be to get the crime pinned on “self defense?” It doesn’t matter, Jesus taught RADICAL NONVIOLENCE, a path of nonresistence that believes that it was wrong to injure another human being, no matter what the circumstances. (Matt 5:38-48) Therefore, it would follow, that keeping a gun in house for self defense, is in direct opposition to what Jesus taught? Is it not? Okay, next point.
ii. The Beatitudes – Granted, I’m not exactly sure how many of you who claim to be “christians” have read the gospels, but I’m pretty familiar with the a little section in Matthew where Jesus drops some knowledge bombs on how to be blessed:
(Matt 5:3) Blessed are the—
the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (5:3)
those who mourn: for they will be comforted. (5:4)
the meek: for they shall inherit the earth. (5:5)
they who hunger and thirst for righteousness: for they will be satisfied. (5:6)
the merciful: for they will be shown mercy. (5:7)
the pure in heart: for they shall see God. (5:8)
the peacemakers: for they shall be called children of God. (5:9)
those who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (5:10)
Sooooo…. Let’s see… I’ll start with an easy one, “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.” In general, it’s pretty hard to say that either the dems or reps show qualities of meekness, that is – quiet, gentle etc. But, for you awful “God Centered” folk, I shouldn’t have to compare you as sharing qualities with us “satan worshipping, hippy, buttsexing(not I), fairy, libtards.” Anyways I don’t have time to go through all your fuck ups in the beatitudes but I’ll just say that Jesus says you’re supposed to be peacemakers, and.. well.. Uh.. George W. Bush ringing any bells? Okay, last point…
iii. This is by far my favorite point to refute; it’s the argument that the Bible is a “living document” which is to be interpreted by man. It usually goes like this: “Waahhh the bible says you should stone adulturers, you wouldn’t want us practicing barbaric practices like that would you?”
And my answer: Well duh, I’m not the one who said we should be basing a legal system on a two thousand year old book, that was you. Try to keep up. But anyways, the Bible has this weird “infallibility black hole paradox” (yeah I just made that up and it sounds pretty sweet so I’ll go with it) Where, Christians say the bible is infallible, because the bible says it’s infallible. I covered the fallacious nature in this argument previously, but… Let’s just say, if you are interpreting the bible to mean whatever the fuck you want it, then I’m going to do the same, and say that I’m allowed to take a shit in your cornflakes every morning because that’s what I read out of the whole “One must work to eat” thing. Anyways, Have fun being frustrated that a twenty one year old Existentialist is more versed in your so called religion than you are.