I once loved a girl.
Just kidding I made that up but lets talk about love, or more specifically, The HMS effect: a phenomena I blame the failure of all modern relationships on, the famous film by Woody Allen ‘When Harry Met Sally.’ Don’t worry if you’ve never seen the movie, it’s a trope repeated many many many many many times over in contemporary sitcoms, movies and novels; two best friends have a beautiful relationship that is ultimately ruined because one of them falls in love with the other. It’s almost as if this effect is a tangible force in the world, one that makes me believe there is a really mean old lady named Annie Mosity somewhere in the world. Why does this always happen? Why does it happen so often in films?
Clearly, it makes for a good story – but how true is it really? The answer to that is simple, yet unnerving and since I had a better social life when I was 8 years old than I do now, I have nothing more important to do than tell you fellow internet people the answer: scrambled but rare. What I mean by that is that it may often happen, but not in the romantic, beautiful way that the media so often portrays. There are rarely happy endings to relationships moved by the HMS effect, and those that do end happy are often not truly the picture of perfection they may seem like from the outside. As if, finding a gorgeous soulmate who loves you for you will ever happen (Pshh lets be serious and stop kidding ourselves, being beautiful on the inside counts for nothing).
Lets do a quick rundown, and I’ll note that I’m a bit foggy today in the thought department so excuse me if my theses aren’t fully formed. One common situation, two beautiful best friends love each other platonically, but unfortunately, due to the HMS effect one feels like they are falling in love with the other. They get drunk and profess their love to the other, and are of course totally denied. They find out that their unconditional positive regard is not reciprocated by the other half of this ‘best friendship.’ Situation two starts off the same way, except during a drunken debauchery the unrequited love is seemingly reciprocated by the other half of the friendship. However, the other half is only acting, I suppose they value the friendship over the awkwardness of ending the friendship. Maybe they get married and end up with two beautiful kids and a white picket fence, but the love is not real. Is this the HMS effect? Perhaps, but is this a bad thing? Let’s let you decide, is false love between two friends better than no love at all?
-Cheers
Lpowell
2-2-13
HMS – I thought this was a post starting into something about the HMS Titanic or some similar disaster at sea. Now I see that it is about a disaster at a table in a restaurant. You found something I know little about. My writings are always so goofy, except that one about Old Man Coyote and the Three Beats. I’m going to have to rise myself to your level.
Later…
Haha surely my humble thoughts aren’t much more than random ramblings! You’ve been a teacher, a very commendable profession able to touch the lives of many people, I’m just a college kid with a more free time than I need and not enough places express my thoughts, surely I’m the one who needs to contribute to society as you have! Cheers!
I’ll always be a student – always.
Later…
Nice post. But one note. Harry Met Sally is Nora Ephron (writer). Rob Reiner directed.
Ohhh good call, which movie am I thinking about? Was HMS a remake of a woody Allen film?
Not that I’m aware but I saw it only once, many years ago, and most of the details have grown hazy.
The HMS Effect; or, how people have mixed interpretations from failure to communicate effectively.
I don’t think the dichotomy you proposed is so black and white; one does not need to choose between false love, or none at all. One also has the choice to be honest and ask how they came across, if their love is requited, and if not, what can the pair do to ensure their friendship continues? Sometimes that last bit doesn’t turn out so well, sadly.
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Reblogged this on rurutang and commented:
I totally agree. It’s such a cliche that you should fall in love with your best friend, especially if he is the one who occasionally wipes his snot at you sleeves or blast you off with swear words, for me, in my case of course.I’d do without love, yes, let’s keep it platonic. LOL.