The answer isn’t what you think it is, but while most people misguidedly search for the meaning of life in outside sources, Science says the key to happiness is in our children.  Buckle up and lets see why. 

A discussion about having children is the logical first stop on our quest to building a happy, fun, future.  However, it may start out a little rough. As young parents clearly know, the first few years of parenthood are anything but pleasant.  What, you thought cleaning poop out of every nook and crany in your house would be fun?  How about sleepless nights, do those seem like a great way to unwind after a hard day at work?  The answer to both of those questions is an unequivocal NO.  The reason I call children a Happiness 401K is because that is exactly what they are, an investment in your future.  Science has worked on finding the secret to happiness for decades, and they always seem to find “the answer.”  The most recent research ranges from anything from what you eat, to how much you make, to your marital status.  There really isn’t much consensus, but that really is a good thing if you think about it.  It seems like happiness is a destination with multiple pathways to an end, and whatever way you take is fine as long as you end up there.  My own path involved lots of alcohol and nights playing topless volleyball with all of my guy friends (no I am not gay.)

Regardless lets get into it.  Those assholes working for JSTOR did research using a massive global survey called the General Social Survey and cross tabulated the parental status with happiness and what did they find?  That parents tend to be unhappier than their childless counterparts.  Common sense says those couples without kids are out spending all the money they didn’t waste on diapers and Gerber on Jet Ski’s and Yachts.  Anyone who’s ever ridden a Wave Runner can tell you it’s essentially an immediate bump in your happy factor.  In addition, while its vibrating beneath your bum and your practicing your mid flight wave tricks, you can update facebook on your Smartphone and see your peers cleaning the boogers off their two year old’s face.  Boom, now your shredding waves and feeling much better about your drunken decision to use a condom.  But it really isn’t as simple as that, the investigators dug further to find out that those individuals who were unhappy early into parenthood were happier than their peers going into old age.  The kid factor seems to point to the fact that once their roley poly shit factory kids grow into adulthood, having a kid isn’t so bad.  You get to seem them achieving their dreams and that gives you that warm fuzzy feeling in your stomach we call happiness.

It may be different to call your children an “investment” in your future happiness, and it certainly wont seem like it the first time you get pooped on.  But take solace in the fact that in fact science has been diligently slaving away to turn up these results.  Neurologists, Psychologist, Sociologist and Economists, (people who certainly have no idea what it’s like to be struggling financially while raising a kid) show us that money, while often thought to be directly linked to your happiness factor, doesn’t stand a fighting chance in comparison to the joy brought with having a tiger striped undies baby in front of you.

-Cheers